This information should not be considered complete, up to date, and is not intended to be used in place of a visit, consultation, or advice of a legal, medical, or any other professional. I have wondered what it would be like to be single now. If you think it's going to end, end it now, before your kid gets old enough to blame him/her self for the resentment s/he detects between mommy and daddy. You never know how far she might come! And embrace life, family, the whole combo deal, with gusto." That's reality. We don't have a lot in common, he's also not an intellectual, and there isn't a lot of chemistry (though our sex life is good, it's kind of like masturbating). Sure, the idea of getting out there and sowing wild oats sounds like fun. Just because she's not interested in questioning her faith, doesn't mean that she always won't be. Obviously, a Christian counselor would be biased against your position, so you need to find someone neutral. To women sowing their wild oats. I don't know what to do about it. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the exchristian community. But there is always the risk that she won't be as into it as you are... and that might just widen the gulf. What does sow wild oats expression mean? People change, however. Communication and compromise is key to every relationship. So make the most of what you have. I wish I had any sort of real advice for you other than to decide whether or not you want to be with her because you like her as a person, even with the differences. Thanks for posting - funny, insightful and crushing post, all in one. Life is tough enough without having the right partner beside you. sowing your wild oats phrase. I'd try honesty. I prefer the Myers Briggs test. That's important. However, that being said, make sure that you are true to yourself or you and anyone with you will not be happy. After allowing religion to f up my 1st marriage, I'm determined to make this one work no matter what. So what am I saying? We could easily make things work and have a nice life- we treat each other well and respect each other, but right now it's taking alot of work and frankly sometime I can't help think how great it'd be to find someone who is on the same path and loves talking about these things and exploring life with an open-mindedness and a bold sense of adventure. My marriage eventually did fall apart, after 15 years, when my wife decided that I was to blame for all of her issues. As a single who used to go to church, people would try to set me up with other people. Thank you. My advise is to communicate. That said, I wouldn't want to try dating again. I honestly think I'm a lot less bitchy than before & easier to get along with. Now that we're a little older and married, it feels a bit to late to go back and do anything about it. He was a fan of marijuana so he slowly introduced me to it and gave me the choice to try it or not. Those are just my thoughts, as a person who has been divorced. The only thing is like /u/haroldhelicopter said, give it some time. We are left wondering, and it's the things you never did that are regretted so hard because you can idealise them. I see a slowly widening gulf. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. But nearing 30 means that's realistically almost over, too. We have a one year old. The problem is that he never sowed his wild oats before he got married, and he wants to sow them now. She doesn't at all, and hates talking about much besides tv shows, work, church etc (she's not intellectual) and is very uncomfortable questioning anything non-fundy (though she's improving there). Raised hardcore fundy, homeschool, purity culture, no kissing/dating before marriage, marry young for sex (22), now 27 with a 1 year old kid. Also, it's going to be hard on your kid. Soon, you'll want a wife and a house, and you'll regret the things you're doing now. I have now had sex (I fucking love it), I curse now, I've tried multiple other "light" drugs, I think about and question everything, and to be honest I have never been happier nor sadder than I am now. But now I know about it, and I can actually discuss it all with at least a vague knowledge of what I am talking about. The urge for wild oats is not turned off with a switch. Granted, your kid is really young, so he will adjust more easily than a middle school age kid would. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. That is where I started and I am now fully deconverted, and my husband and I enjoy some of the best intimacy and intellectual honesty of our relationship. Honestly though, there are many other ways to have good clean highs if you can't get her approval. Because we're raised as Christians not to question because it implies doubt and faithlessness. I think it would be hard for you to go from one extreme - fundy life, repression no masturbation and only missionary - to then try other extreme sex clubs, kinky bi hook ups, & new sex partners wanting to try BDSM etc. Raised hardcore fundy, homeschool, purity culture, no kissing/dating before marriage, marry young for sex (22), now 27 with a 1 year old kid. And there likely is someone out there who is much more compatible with you. Does anyone have any experience to put these feelings to rest? Do you regret it? Longtime lurker. Give her the same chance. Anyone have experience navigating these waters? What does sowing his wild oats expression mean? Third, don't be afraid of a trial separation. Looking back, I also sometimes question whether or not I made the best decision in marrying, to which is added the extra pain of no longer having the "god's gotta plan" mentality to press on. Just because it worked out for one person, doesn't mean it will for you. In private I'd assume that these marriages aren't all rainbows and sunshine that they make them out to be. My wife also isn't an intellectual, so it is really hard to not be able to have deep philosophical or historical conversations. Second, I think that personality testing can go a long way in helping to bridge understanding between two people. He's my best friend, an absolutely wonderful partner, and madly in love with me. Then I moved away from home and began actually living. Give her time. It's never enough. Just because it blew up horrifically for another doesn't mean it will for you. You can still be a dad without being a husband. At home I was raised from birth to be Christian. to do wild and foolish things in one's youth. I know what I'm talking about. Quote: Originally Posted by TakeyourTime. But I wonder if I'll regret staying with him every day. Whatever you do, just be slow and deliberate, as much as possible. Also, I aspired to be a Christian minister, and divorcing your wife because you want to upgrade is generally frowned on in that line of work. Church every Sunday, Bible studies, purity rings, the whole deal. You can't sow your wild oats forever! to do wild and foolish things in one's youth. In fact, I myself screwed up my 1st marriage coz I was the fundy and my ex the not-so-serious-about-religion one. A few things I would recommend. Everybody's experience is different. (often assumed to have some sort of sexual meaning. The one thing I always noticed was it seemed like they tried to set me up with the best Christian and not the best person for me. Though the chances of that happening is pretty low given my current record. The line, "I feel now, we who have deconverted should show the world that we can also take responsibility. Skydiving beats weed. To indulge in sexually promiscuous or dissolute behavior, especially as a young adult. This survey shows that men see nothing wrong in sowing their wild oats before settling down. My only advice: You seem to be on a very different path from your wife. That doesn't mean that I don't have a problem with polyamory or being monogamish at an ideological level, but that it probably isn't for me. He's still a believer, but my deconversion went surprisingly well. Couldn't agree more. If adventure and excitement and new experiences are what you want, you might try some of these things together. I would also sincerely appreciate anyone trying to convince me I'm wrong and being fool-headed and the grass isn't greener as well (really).